I Hate How I Love You
by Tess90
Summary: Love isn't always blind. But sometimes, it shuts it's eyes...


Disclaimer: I do not own the right to CSI or it's plot lines. Nor am I in any way, shape, or form affiliated with it's characters or actors...that would be cool if I were though.

* * *

I turned the handle to the bathroom door and a soft wave of lavender washed over me as I entered. I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes as I did. The music playing from beside the sink was airy and light. Relaxation music. 

I took the matchbook in my hand and pulled a match from it. Striking it against the package, I lit the candles that had been placed throughout the room, and slid out of my silk bathrobe. Cool air kissed my skin, raising goosebumps.

I stepped into the tub gingerly and sunk into my bathwater, sliding beneath the bubbles that floated lazily on the surface. Sighing deeply, I closed my eyes, cleared my mind, and concentrated on the music.

"Riiing! Riiing! Riiing!"

Through the bathroom door, I heard the telephone; loud, obnoxious, and persistent. _Leave it. Relax._

"Riiing!"Focus on relaxing…

"Riiing!"

I sighed and, grudgingly, stood up out of the water.

The cold air against the warmth of my skin made me shiver and I wanted back in the tub, but the phone wasn't about to allow that.

"Riiing!"

"Alright!" I grumbled, wrapping a fluffy towel around myself.

"Riiing!" It called, impatiently.

"Hello?" I said, picking it up.

"Cath? I was worried. You weren't answering the phone!" _Really?_

"I was just in the tub, mom." I said, trying to hid the exasperation in my voice.

"Oh. I just called to say hi." she said.

"Mom, can I call you back later?" I said.

"Ok. Sorry dear. Have a good soak!"

"Ok. I will." I said, returning the phone to it's crib.

I turned to go back when suddenly a thought struck me. I turned back to the phone, and unplugged the cord.

Now the persistent ringing couldn't interrupt me! Ha! I had outwitted the phone!

I returned to my bath, dropped my towel, and climbed back in. Alright, now to relax…

"Riing! Riing!"

My eyes opened. Huh? Had I not just unplugged the phone? The answer was yes, so why was it still ringing?"Riing! Riing!"

My eyes narrowed as I recognized the ring. It was my cell phone, crying out loudly for attention. _Ignore it. Relax._

"It can wait." I told myself, aloud. _It can't. It might be Grissom. _I argued silently with myself for a moment.

Heaving another sigh, I pulled myself from the tub and wrapped the towel around myself for the second time.

I found my cell in my coat pocket. Flipping it open, I said to it: "Hello?"

"Catherine?"

It was Sara.

"Sorry to call you on your day off, but I need those keys for the cabinet in the break room. Do you know where they are?"

I groaned internally. "Ask Greg." I said. "I think he had them last."

"Oh. Ok, bye!"

I hung up without saying bye and flung the phone onto my bed. It bounced once, then landed on my pillow.

When I hit the water for the third time, I laid back, ready to relax. A peaceful feeling washed over me with the water. I felt at ease for the first time in weeks. Nothing could get to me now…

Five tranquil minutes passed by and I soon found my thoughts wandering. I reached for the tap and let some more hot water in. That did the trick. I laid back but before I even had the chance to shut my eyes, the doorbell rang.

I resigned myself to the fact that I was obviously not meant to have a bath today, and drained the tub as I got out. I blew out the candles as I re-wrapped the towel around myself, and turned off the music as I emerged from the bathroom.

I could see a figure through the glass in the door, but they were distorted and I couldn't tell who it was.

"Hey Cath."

"Warrick." I said, sounding more surprised than I had intended.

"Is now a bad time?" he asked, eyeing my towel.

"Uh, no. Come in!" I stood aside to let him by.

"Just let me get changed and I'll be right out. Have a seat!" I told him, nodding towards the couch.

I hurriedly changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, and pulled a comb through my hair, then went out to meet him.

"Sorry." I said sitting down in the chair across from him.

"Cath-"  
"Do you want some coffee?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Cath, I need to talk to you."

"Shoot." I said, crossing my legs and leaning back in the chair.

He wrung his hands together nervously.

"Uh…It's about Tina."

"Tina?" I said, pretending I didn't know who he was talking about. I knew damn well who she was…

"My girlfriend."

"Oh, right. What about Tina?" I said, trying to sound indifferent.

"Well, I don't know." he said, helplessly.

I could tell by the way he spoke that something was bugging him.

"Tina. You don't know…" I repeated.

I was speaking quickly. Too quickly? Did I normally talk this fast? I wasn't sure. I was aiming to sound indifferent. Maybe I sounded too indifferent, like I didn't care at all.

"I think I need the help of a woman." he said, sounding unsure of himself.

I fidgeted in my seat, scanning my brain, searching desperately for something to say. Anything…

"Ok…"

"Cath, I think I love her."

He smiled a little, though not making eye contact. He was staring at the floor.

"Oh."

"What do I do?" he asked, still staring at the floor.

I turned to the floor too. Maybe it would tell me what to say. Doubtful.

"Why are you asking me?" I said, a little too defensively.

Luckily, Warrick didn't hear the bitterness in my voice.

"Well, I just- you…" He paused. "Because you're my friend?" he said.

He looked up at me and grinned. I grinned back at him.

"Well, tell her."

He looked clueless.

I rolled my eyes and pulled a strand of hair from my face.

"Tell her you love her." I said, wishing that I hadn't.

_Didn't I want Warrick to be happy? Of course, stupid question._

"How?"

I scoffed, and shifted my position in the chair. "Just…tell her."

He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. "I can't"

"Yes you can."

"No, I can't."

"Yes, you can!"

"Maybe…"

For a minute we sat in perfect silence. Neither one of us daring to be the first to break it. He chewed on one of his fingers and I pulled my legs up to my chest.

"Can you?" I said, quietly. I stared at my toes.

"Cath, she's…I love her." He smiled. "She's amazing. She let's me be who I am, she loves the things I do, she's beautiful. Not to mention smart, and funny." he added.

"She sounds…" I trailed off as my words got stuck in my throat. I bit my lip. "Tell her what you just told me."

"But when?"  
"Whenever." I said simply. "Today, tomorrow, next week…whenever feels right."

The words coming from my lips were not mine. They seemed cold and alien. Yet they were being said by a voice that sounded remarkably like my own.

"Yeah, I think I will." he said, at last.

We both got to out feet.

"Thanks Catherine."

He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly for a second.

"No problem." I said, feeling as though I might choke on my own words.

He let go, and his arms fell to his sides once again.

"You really helped." He smiled as he slipped out the door.

I forced myself to smile back at him as I closed the door behind him. I watched through the glass as he got into his vehicle and drove away. Then I leaned against the door.

"Damn."

I wiped my eyes before the tears that wet them had a chance to spill.

I walked over to the couch, laid down on it, and held a pillow close.

A million thoughts raced through my mind. I turned over, onto my back.

Drawing lines on the ceiling with my eyes, I realized that something about today seemed different. Final…

But that was a stupid thought. I would still see Warrick. It wasn't like I was losing him…

I shut my eyes, allowing a single tear the permission to roll freely down my cheek. It hit my lips and I pulled it in with my tongue, savouring the saltiness of it.

_I guess I could go and take another bath…_


End file.
